One step forward into the scary stuff...

Hi! I am still learning how to use the blog stuff on wix, it's a work in progress, and yesterday's post had some how disappeared. More likely a user error. Whatever I am learning. Everyday should scare you, so go ahead and get into the mess, make that reckless step forward and face that scary stuff.

One of the scary things I face as a dyslexic actor running on ADD brains, is that I never seem to have a total handle on finances. I spreadsheet my heart out, and have out used Mint, CreditKarma, and all that great stuff, but for whatever reason, I am flying by the seat of my pants on most days. You would think I would get around LA faster, but alas.

Though it is a constant struggle, and I get nervous when I open my bank account, I make a daily effort to make it work. Planning was never one of my strong suits, but I fooled a lot of people that I could do it.

I get scared of my finances not because of the numbers, but what the numbers mean. When I was in high school, and people would project this doom and gloom on me (mostly the crappy teachers and guidance councilors) that I wouldn't amount to much, the numbers I see, reflect that sad time. Then I start feeling low, and start kicking myself for getting myself into this, and not being better. This is all done while I sit on the couch at home, scrolling through documentaries on Netflix.

I have to really fight myself to get off the couch and move around the apartment and remind myself that when I had the regular job, and the regular life, it didn't fit me, and even with that there were so many other problems I had. I still have issues, but it's not as bad as it was, and everyday I am getting better dealing with things, and being stronger with my boundaries, and what I really want to invest my time with.

Because you make a change, and make a leap towards something you always wanted to do, and you tossed aside the risks and just focused on the goal, does not mean you don't have crap you have to deal with. You trade the crap you had, for crap, new crap. But hopefully the new crap you are getting is a little more manageable, and not as stinky as the old crap. Nothing is ever perfect, everyone has good and bad days. Everyone makes mistakes and we all feel like super heroes from time to time. It's the ups and the downs that make a story.

Bring it on scary stuff!!!