When you have to have a beer alone...

Since, this is the start of my daily blog, which I have already missed a couple days (meh). This post gets to the heart and soul of why I started.

The other night I went to meet up with my Groundlings Advance classmates for a show, I usually try and get there early, to hang out and chat with people before the show. As I was driving, my friend texted me and said that they were all at the bar, and waiting for me. I thought they meant The Darkroom, which is a grimy, punk bar that has good food and music and I really like. But what I didn't read, was that they were actually at the Viliage Idiot. A British pub, that I actually worked at for 3 1/2 weeks until the fired me for failing a test that:

A) They did not give me adequate training material for a over 100 question detailed test

B) I did not have any accommodations for my disability

C) Would not let me re-take the test due to how poorly I did the first time

So what? Sure, it's just a crappy restaurant job. But when you are a no-name actor in LA, that job pays for life. This is also discrimination against someone who has a disability. It's not talked about a lot, which is why I am getting brave and starting to talk about this. I lost my job because of my dyslexia. You might say, "hey, wait a minute, you must have made other mistakes." Sure, I did, you're training, you are supposed to fuck up. But I actually impressed them with my actual work, I worked my ass off for those three and half weeks. I also studied for the test. But I was given a menu, a binder with semi useless info, it didn't detail the reason why they use Thai Basil leaves, I had to research that on my own, and when I asked about it, my trainers told me not to worry about it. I was also told by my new co-workers that everyone failed the test and not to worry about it. My manager saw how stressed I was about the whole test and said it wouldn't be something I would lose my job over. Until it was.

I did disclose to the management team about my disability, but because in pop-culture now, everyone can claim that they have dyslexia without being diagnosed and without it actually being true. You see, when you causally use dyslexia to excuse the fact that you weren't paying attention, because you are not dyslexic. You are contributing to the discrimination of what we face in society, as if our disability is not valid. People who aren't dyslexic don't have the daily struggles that people with dyslexia have every day, and those who have learning disabilities. Your bullshit joking about dyslexia, impacts our lives in a paramount way. But yet, we don't talk about it. It's a shame factor.

From a young age, dyslexic, ADD, ADHD and other learning disabled children are shamed for their issues. We are patronized in the classroom by teachers, teased by our classmates by our poor reading skills, and made to leave the classroom during class to get help, and this further makes us stigmas that there is something wrong with us and we have to separate from everyone else. Don't believe me? Think back to school, and what was that one kid that always had to leave the classroom when there was a test, or had to do things a little differently because it was better for him/her. Are you giggling? Were they socially awkward? A little nerdy or sheltered? Did they have poor social cues? Didn't really sit with anyone at lunch? Were they funny, but not in a confident way, but a way that it was ok to laugh at them because everyone else did.

That was me, I was that kid that was very socially awkward, and somewhat shy, and very hesitant to really open up to people. I was laughed at for the difficulties that made my academic life so painful, and what was so tragic, was all I wanted to be was normal, and not have reading problems, and be able to read aloud from a book, and not have to do two to three times as much homework so that I could at least cover my disability. Anything I could do to show I was not stupid was all that mattered to me.

I didn't have many friends in high school, and now that I look back as an adult, I totally understand why. Most of my fellow classmates were assholes, and I don't really care to go back for any reunions, I don't need to go back to those days of crying myself to sleep because no matter what I did, or how hard I tried I was labeled the stupid kid. Fuck that. Robin Williams had the same issues in high school by the way, to the degree where he wouldn't have anything to do with his high school even after his great success.

So being fired from this stupid job had a great affect on me. It reminded me of the times I was told I would not succeed. That I would have issues holding down a job, that I would not be a successful adult.

But I am making a negative into a positive, I am shedding away my exterior armor to reveal the raw, and vulnerable part of myself I have been so expertly trained to hide and defend. Here on this blog, I am going to be as real about being a dyslexic person, and share everything. This is in hopes it inspires others to come forward and talk about their experiences and we can then destroy this horrible stigma and change the world treats people with dyslexia.

When it comes down to it, your brain is either a MAC or PC, both are computers, both can do the same thing. They just operate and process differently, and there is nothing wrong with that.