The never ending Rat Race in your head, at 2AM

I am sure you have experienced it, 2am, you have a lot going on, and the one thing you just can't do is SLEEP!!

Most normal people experience this because they are stressed out by something, family issues, weddings, new job, shitty boss, relationships, trauma, the list goes on. But for people with ADD, this is very common almost weekly issue that we deal with.

If you are thinking maybe I should try medication, meditation, working out, hot baths, hot tea, a good sleep routine, and no alcohol, or more alcohol, no TV, more TV, a sleep machine, even a heavy object to fall onto my head. Yup, done it, do it, the bowling pin that fell onto my head late at night and made me pass out, too much alcohol, and yes I have a random bowling pin that will no longer sit on my top shelf of my bookcase. Yes, I know that was a dumb place to put a random, decorative bowling pin, you live and you learn.

You see, when I start thinking, I get going, in the worst way ever. Tonight, or should I say, last night, I was worried about my website, and my blog, and why I need to go out on more auditions, and maybe I need new head shots, and am I doing enough at Groundlings, should I be doing more, am I not funny anymore? Why are people from my old Indy team doing better than me and how can I fix it so that I can be as successful as them? Do I have enough light in my living room? Why am I not writing new scripts for pilots everyday? Am I a bad writer? What if I am not good enough anymore? Why can't I sing like other people? Does my agent not like my work? Why does my agent not get me out more? What more could I be doing to make my agent happy and see me as marketable? (Which I know I am) Does my cat love me? When should I buy more toothpaste? I need to get my meds from the pharmacy. I need gas in the car. Why am I not tired? What was the song I was listening to earlier today? If I play that song now will it make me sleepy? Maybe I should watch the Little Prince? Why am I still not sleepy? Why is it 3:40am?

That was the cliff notes of the rat race in my head. Thank you.

As an actor, we always seem to fall prey to the rat race mind worm hole. Are we good enough? Blah, blah blah. Most of my other gorgeous actor friends, get into it, have a drink, cry, have another drink and then pass out. Not so for the ADD people. The self analyzing is just the warm-up, then you go down all sorts of weird turns and such, relating to things you never would ever think of normally. Toothpaste?? Yeah it went there.

I don't know how to turn it off. When I was growing up I needed to have a radio, so I could have a headset on and rock out in bed to songs until I wore myself out on music. True story. This is how I would get to sleep. And if the energy was really high, I would get out of bed and dance, so that I could get to a place where I felt I could go to sleep. This also made me kinda the weirdo at sleepovers, unless my buddies were also night owls ready to get down and boogie.

Boundless energy is great, until you are clocking in to your job at 4am online to work, because what else is there to do? I guess I will work now. Okay. I will probably pass out around 7a. Wake up go get gas, maybe my meds, and then go into work, for whatever hours I have left and just be done with the day. Not sure how that will all work out but will give it a go.

Back to work!